I love you but I don’t want you

Loving someone and wanting someone are two different things. It took me years to understand, accept and learn this. I fell in love with a beautiful girl who was living miles away from my place. She entered into my life as a friend during the last few days of our college. We studied the same course in college but it was only during our last year’s exams that we talked with each other. (How we met is a different story altogether.) The day I met her for the first time, I knew nothing was going to happen with us, not even friendship. We had few conversations during the exams but there was nothing like friendship. The destiny did the expected by separating both of us before we could become friends with each other. She left my city to pursue her Masters and settled in at the place 200 km away from mine.

Four months forward, we were friends talking for hours over the phone. Our bond grew stronger with time. Eight months after our first encounter, we were in love with each other. Everything seemed nice and normal except the relationship we were in. It was a long distance relationship. Both of us did not have the experience of being in a relationship. Our situation put the great challenges before us. Our relationship survived for almost a year after which she decided to leave.

Heartbreaks can be as painful as death. The first one hurts even bad. I had never felt such a pain till the time I faced my first heartbreak. I was doing fine but the feelings were there. The WHYs used to wake me up in the middle of night. The sleeps had turned into the tasks allowing the body to rest while the mind was looking for the answers that I never got from her but later from my life.

Heartbreaks make you wiser and life makes you understand everything. You grow with time and become mature. You develop the ability to look at the world from all possible perspectives. You start to understand. You get answers. Once, you get the answers, you accept. And, finally you learn the truth.

In the past when I used to think about my long distance relationship with my girlfriend, I used to end up with the thought of her leaving me alone. I used to feel the pain not because she left me but because she left me even being in love with me. A letter she handed to me during our last meeting was enough the proof. She was an honest person indeed. She never denied her feelings for me. But, this act of her left me puzzled for months. I used to wonder thinking how it can even be possible for a person to love you but not want you at the same time. I asked her but she could not explain. I kept searching for the answer at wrong places for years until I got it from my own experiences. In all these years after my first heartbreak, I fell in love with a few more girls, though I kept myself away from relationship commitments. To my misfortune, I happened to go through similar kind of experiences again and again. The girls I loved, loved me back but did not want me in their life. A couple more such an experiences and I got the answer to my question.

Is it possible for a person to love someone but not want that someone in their life?

The answer is yes. Loving is not a choice. You don’t plan to be in love so you don’t have control over it. While allowing someone to be a part of your life or being in someone’s life is all up to you. It is a choice that you have control over to make. So, you must think of it as a normal phenomenon when one shows the love for you but don’t want you to be in their life forever. Furthermore, wanting to be with someone depends on many factors. Someone might not want you because you have different lifestyle, goals, habits or anything that they feel won’t work out in the life-long relationship or marriage. Some can even have their preferences set but still find themselves falling in love with the person who lacks what they were looking for. In such a situation, they are left with no choice but to leave the person they love for the person they want to be with.

I know, it sounds harsh and unbelievable at first but this is what the truth is. I can say this as I have experienced it for several times. The process is the key here. First, you will need to understand and once you do, you will start accepting it. Gradually, you learn the truth and start living with it. The quick you learn the more you will be at peace. The moment I learned the truth, I started realizing the situation my girlfriend was in years ago. She decided to leave me for she wanted to be with someone else. She was in love with me but I lacked something she was looking for in her life partner. She loved me but did not want me. She left but with sure confidence for she knew the situation she was in very well. I was the one who took years to understand her situation. But, now today, after learning so much from my life, I am at peace and happy.

I would like to dedicate this post to my beautiful girlfriend who has always inspired me in life. She was the reason I started writing and she still inspires me to write more. It was her birthday a few days ago and I wish her all success and fortune.

Have you loved someone but did not want them in your life? Have any relevant experience to share? Do you even believe in a possibility of the situation? Put your thoughts in the comment section below. I love my readers and I want them in my life. 😀

Pratik Akkawar

I am occasionally a poet, blogger and an amateur writer, trying to put my thoughts into words and sometimes words into poems.


  1. How superbly and clearly u have expressed your feelings and thoughts on this. How the flair to be great writer.
    And yes, life sure teaches us and makes us grow by each experience. Glad u got the answer u were seeking. I guess most answers lie within us. It’s time that makes us mature enough to understand things better.
    Best of luck Pratik for your future posts 🙂

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