We search happiness all over the places. Some people say that it comes from within. It’s in fact true. I agree. Some say that it is a state of mind and we can experience it if we could control and force our mind to focus on it. No disagreement here as well. It can be different for different people. Some might disagree but I personally believe that external things can also bring equal amount of happiness in our lives. The problem is not how one defines happiness and where do he/she finds it. The problem is, not all of us know that it can be created.
Sometimes, especially when you could not find the happiness anywhere, neither inside nor outside, it becomes important to know that it can be created. I was going through such a phase in my life recently where I lost my happiness. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t happy. But being human, I was looking for it everywhere. I failed. I could not find it anywhere, neither inside nor outside.
The choice was obvious and I knew it was the time to create my own happiness for myself. The change was needed, in my thought process, behavior, beliefs and habits. The change doesn’t always need you to go from old to new but sometimes the reverse. I said that because it fits perfect for me. The changes I brought to my life were something that I was used to in the past. I was just needed to bring what I used to practice back into my life once again. Here are the things that I did to create my own happiness.
I started to invest my time in “learning / experiencing new things” instead of “meaningless relationships”
I strongly believe that the most valuable thing in life is the time. I did not realized until I gave it a thought that I was wasting my time on some meaningless relationships. It happens, you get attached to people and flow with the emotions without realizing that nothing meaningful is happening with some of relationship. If you give it a thought, there is no rocket science to identify which relationships are meaningless yet consuming most of your valuable time. I identified mine and started to invest my time wisely again. I used that time for learning / experiencing new things. Experiencing new things doesn’t mean I went on a long trip to travel the world or jumped down from the sky. I find happiness in small experiences like I witnessed a bud blooming into a beautiful flower a few days ago. I also used my time to learn new subjects like human psychology.
I decided to wait for “the upcoming movies, sports or events” instead of “the love / life partner”
Honestly speaking, it wasn’t challenging. I have always been a guy who believes in ‘falling for someone a thousand times again and again in moments’. However, I noticed that recently I was waiting for people to show me some love in return which on most occasions didn’t happen. I was waiting for the romantic love to come in my life. And, as it wasn’t happening, I was losing my happiness. It happens rarely with me but I had to correct it. The best option was to go for something that makes me happy and bring a lot of joy. I now wait for upcoming movies or sports. I was waiting eagerly for the movie Avengers- End Game and I could not express the happiness I felt after watching the movie. I am looking forward to the upcoming Cricket World Cup now.
I began to rate my day on “the scale of happiness / peace of mind” instead of “the productivity”
It was tough. I was not working for more than three months. No office, no work, no productivity and obviously no money. We often see people going crazy when they fail to turn their day into a productive one. A day on which they work for hours and gets money in return. They rate this kind of day on very high scale. No offense. However, my definition of a good day is very different. I can only say that, each day when I was happy and had peace of mind, was the best day of my life. However, the situation I was in made me rate my day on how productive I was. I wasn’t. I was not working in office and I couldn’t work at home as I was on the bed rest. I knew I wasn’t that guy who would rate his day on being productive. I changed my mindset and accepted the situation I was in. I began to rate my day on the scale of happiness. I was doing nothing and still was fine. I was just happy.
I decided to make a habit of “reading new books” instead of “making new friends”
I had started to feel lonely. On normal days, I would never feel that way. But, when you are on a bed rest and find your friends too busy to have conversation, it becomes natural. I was looking for people to have meaningful conversations. I wanted to talk. I wanted to share. My openness to making new friends did not failed completely. I have found a couple of new friends recently and am enjoying talking to them. But, that openness did not last for long. I was happy for what I got and closed the doors again. That phase made me think of my old best friends, the books. I have been missing books since long. I felt happy for I decided to make a habit of reading new books instead of making new friends. You might not have your friends available all the time, but the books will always be there for you.
I started being curious about “what already exists” instead of “the future”
We think of the future more than required. We make plans for the future and expect that our plans must work out in the future. As we find the future more beautiful place to be in, we develop the curiosity about future happenings. I happened to do the same. I was curious about the happenings that were supposed to happen in the next month. I ended up being disappointed. I did not blame the curiosity I had. I knew being curious is a great thing. Upon realizing I started being curious about what already exists. There are billions of things out there that happen around. I developed curiosity towards the subjects and objects that already exists but I did not read about. My curiosity lead me to know more about time, space, science, spirituality and technology. In simple words, the curiosity lead me to meet my own happiness.
I practiced “letting go” instead of “holding on”
It is not something that one requires to do once in a life time. It is very hard to say which action holds more wisdom and importance. My personal experiences say letting go is always a good choice. When you let go of things, people and relationships, you become free. The people and relationships that meant for you, stays with you and you lose nothing. I was holding onto some people and relationships I did not want to lose. But at the same time, I was feeling the pain too. I finally let those people and relationships go just to find my happiness back. I am experiencing the great peace of mind since then.
I talked more to “myself” instead of “the people”
They all have busy lives. At least they say so. I did not believe but accepted. I had no one to talk to excluding couple of my close friends. I talked a lot with them but still used to have plenty of time. I was ignored by some people too. I knew, I had no rights to complain. I simply started to spend more time with myself in solitude. I started to talk to myself. It proven to be a great alternative. It helped me realize, analyze, accept and what not. The thought of creating my own happiness was also the result of talking to myself.
I started to keep “hopes” instead of “expectations”
Expectations is the root of heartache, they say. I could not agree more. Being in that situation I had developed expectations from the people. I was expecting people to take care of me, to give me importance and all their time. I was wrong. I was totally wrong. I had learned my lesson. I have been keeping hopes instead of expectations since then. It really helped to bring peace into my life.
I loved “the nature” instead of “people”
Believe me, this is a great alternative. If you are finding it to difficult to love someone or experiencing the pain instead of happiness being in love, it’s time to look for an alternative. We all know being in love with wrong people can be painful as hell. So, why not go for the nature? I was finding it hard to love some people. I detached myself from them. I instead started to love the nature. I love animals. I love plants. I love the nature. Falling in love with the nature brings great feeling of happiness. Also, the nature responds well to your love. I watered my plants and it gifted me a beautiful flower a couple days ago. The nature will love you back, no matter what.
Value “people” instead of “money”
I did not start doing this recently. I have been doing this since ages. I values people more than money. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I just wanted to highlight this point hence it is here.
Thank you for making time to read such a long personal post. I would like to know if any of the mentioned points made sense to you or you related to. Do you believe in a thought that happiness can be created? If yes, how do you do it? If no, let me know how you keep yourself happy?